The Journey of a Sweet Little Boy and His Special Heart

Monday, January 10, 2011

2:30 pm
My heart is broken.
I have been staring numbly out the window for the past hour with so many thoughts going through my head.  I have been prepared for everything on this journey so far... until today.  Today has probably been the hardest day of my entire life.  I think Brad and especially Logan would say the same thing.  I will update the details when I feel up to it.
Logan is okay if you consider this okay.  I can't even bring myself to take a picture.  He is out of surgery and having a hard time adjusting.  I keep begging the nurse to give him more pain meds.  She nicely keeps explaining to me that there is a delicate balance between keeping him comfortable and not giving him so much that he can't breathe on his own.
They had to abandon the option of a 1 1/2 ventricle repair.  They ended up doing a complete Bidirectional Glenn.  They closed down the Tricuspid Valve completely, reopened the VSD, severd the Pulmonary Artery, and rerouted the Superior Vena Cava to attach directly to the Pulmonary Artery.  He was on bypass for a good 3 hours.  Dr. Spray said he tried every way possible to try to make it work, but in the end he just didn't feel good about the Tricuspid Valve.  So Logan will have a single ventricle heart, need another major surgery in the next year or two, and unless medical technology advances drastically- a heart transplant.  But I still have my boy.
I want to scream and throw a tantrum like a 2 year old.  I want to be mad. But the bottom line... we did all we could.  We came to the best surgeon in the world, and if he couldn't make it work, it isn't God's will.
A true test of faith.  I know we have so many people praying for Logan and his doctors so I keep telling myself this has to be His will.  But it doesn't make it easier.
My heart is broken.


  1. Oh Heidi I wish I could be there with you! Oh my heart is breaking for you. Don't you wish he could know His master plan sometimes? Oh sweetie loves to you and Brad and of course sweet Logan.

  2. My heart is right there with you all. By the grace of God Logan is alive. We must be thankful for the knowledge given to these Surgeons. (By a Loving Father in Heaven) May the Angels of Heaven sustain you, Brad and Sweet Logan at this time. Loves!

  3. Heidi,
    Caryn posted a note on facebook and I clicked on the link to your blog yesterday. I have been thinking about you throughout the day and I'm sorry to hear that things didn't go as planned today. I have a son with DORV (Double Outlet Right Ventricle) and Mitral Valve Atresia. He's had the Glenn and will soon have the Fontan. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there is another "heart mom" out there rooting for you and praying for you and your sweet boy.
    Oh, and by the way my name is Andrea Gunnell. Maybe we're related somehow?
    Good luck with everything. We will continue to pray and think about you.

  4. Oh, Heidi! I write this in tears... I have been praying for the doctors, Logan, and you and Brad all day today, hoping for good news. I'm sorry it did not go as you hoped it would, but you DO still have Logan, and that is a blessing! Are you able to come home soon? You are all in my prayers... especially sweet Logan.

  5. I too am writing in tears. My heart breaks for you, your sweet family and little Logan! Like you said, you do still have your little boy and who knows what medical advances hold in the future? I send my love and a huge hug across the miles, I don't know what it is like to walk in your shoes, I'm not a heart mom, but I am a mom...and I send all my love and support to you at this difficult time. Heal well (all of you!) and know that there are still many prayers, thoughts, hope, love and belief being sent your way!

  6. Oh my goodness, I just heard about this today and am also in tears thinking about you and your Logan and sweet family. Sending my prayers . .
    ~Carina (Zohner) Montano

  7. I am so sorry. I'll add my tears to yours and all the others. Logan is a fighter, and a sweet soul. We pray for him every day. I know God will give you all strength. We love you guys, so much.

  8. Heidi and Brad,

    Know that you are doing everything possible for Logan, and more. Unfortunately, the nurse is right about the pain meds. Zoe, on too many medications, cannot breathe on her own. Once he is stronger and breathing well, they can administer more. He will need them as the "Glenn headaches" are intense. Be prepared for a fussy little guy. I remember the first few days after Zoe's hemi-Fontan. I felt horrible and guilty over her condition. Typically they start feeling better around post-op day 4. Hang in there, both of you and know that you are supported in this heart community.

    I am so sorry that the two ventricle repair did not go as planned. If anyone could do it, it was Dr. Spray. Logan is still here and there are many, many children living and thriving with single ventricle hearts.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong.

    Heart hugs,

  9. I am so sorry Logan's body couldn't tolerate the 1 1/2 vent repair. I hope you find comfort in the fact that you have done everything you could. Hoping the the post-glen road is smooth and you are able to return home soon. Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs & Prayers,
    Heart Momma to Jacob

  10. I too am so sorry that things haven't gone as planned. Hope Logan recovers from the glenn quickly and you can return home. You and Logan are in my prayers.

    Cindy (Heart Mom to Dylan)

  11. Heidi & Family,
    I can't express how my heart is breaking for you all right now. It's always hard to see someone hurting, but as a "heart mom", I just ache so much for you. Please know that there are so many people out here that love you amd are praying for you and are cheering for team Logan. I'm sure that you've heard it a million times, but if ther is anything at all that I can do for you, I would love to offer any help I can. Our prayers are with you.

  12. Oh Heidi, you should have seen the group of women together at the gym today crying for you and talking about your situation. You are so very loved here. Please know you have a support system to come home to, we'll all be here for you. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. So sorry your sweet little baby has to go through this.