I have been trying all week to sit down and write about my weekend, but of coarse life never ceases to slow down. I am finally getting around to it as another weekend passes.
I always talk about the AMAZING heart mom community I have found, and the great support I get from other moms. This weekend I was able to meet so many of these moms. It was my Heart Mom Weekend!
Friday night I went to dinner with two heart moms, Liz and Heidi. It was the first time I had met them in person, but it felt like getting together with old friends. Liz heard about Logan when we were in Philadelphia and reached out to us sending him one of her darling Jakey Blankies. I have been in touch with her ever since (she is from Arizona). And I met Heidi through Liz (she is also from Arizona, but currently living in Utah). Both of these amazing women have Angel babies that earned their wings way too early. I was humbled sitting at the table and hearing their stories. I have to tell you a cute story. I was reading Heidi's blog about her Angel Jersey a few nights before, and Logan was on the floor destroying the office minding his own business when I pulled up a picture of Jersey he stopped pulling the books off the bookshelf and started waving his hands at the computer. He scooted right over to me and had me pick him up- keeping his eyes locked on the computer the whole time waving and talking to the picture of Jersey. I sat and cried as I watched him. It was like he knew exactly who she was. I don't doubt for a minute that Logan has had Angels at his side so many times in his life. Maybe these little heart Angels take extra care of our Heart Warriors that are still able to fight.
Heidi and Liz are incredible women who have had to endure so much. They have endured it all with grace. I left Friday night feeling extremely humbled and blessed. This world of CHD is heartbreaking... literally. I came home and held my Logan extra tight (he was the only kid still awake) and I took an extra moment to watch Ashlyn and Tanner sound asleep in their beds that night. I will embrace Ashlyn's intensity in life and Tanner's "never in a hurry"approach to life, and never take the health of my children for granted.
Saturday was the Heart Mom Luncheon for a group we are part of called Intermountain Healing Hearts (IHH). It was a luncheon honoring all the mom's of CHD warriors. We were able to bring someone with us who has been a support to us through everything. I was so grateful to be able to take my mom with me. It was overwhelming being in a room with so many women who you can relate to on SO many levels. I was so emotional hearing about all the CHD warriors. I did cry a lot (who is surprised), but they weren't all sad tears. I walked way from the lunch with HOPE. I talked to a mom with an 18 year old with HRHS and he was just given the thumbs up to start his mission papers. HOPE. I talked to a mom who's son in 18 months with HRHS and is so active and healthy she can't keep up with him. HOPE. I also talked with moms that have Angels in Heaven and my heart broke over and over. It was so great meeting all the different mom's of heart babies I have followed from their blogs. We are all fighting the same fight regardless of the exact diagnosis and it was great to feel everyone's heart. My mom couldn't hear a lot of what was said (she is hard of hearing and the mic wasn't especially loud) but she said to me as we left, "I couldn't hear everything, but I could feel the tenderness of their Spirits." Every mom wants what is best for her child and will do anything for them.
You have those "why me" moments sometimes and "why my baby." I had a perfect pregnancy with no complications- I am healthy. So why me and not the girl that drank her whole pregnancy. But then you stop and think I am SO glad these babies came to families who care and who will do what it takes to give them the care and love they need. Ashlyn said to me the other day, "Mom, we must have a really special family for Heavenly Father to have sent us Logan with his special heart." I said yes, we are a special family and Heavenly Father knew we would take good care of Logan and his heart, but he also knew we would take extra special care of you and Tanner too. They are just as special and I am so grateful they are healthy- I realize what a blessing that is.
To all these amazing women who know exactly how it all feels.... from handing your baby over for surgery, to living in the hospital, to sleepless nights, chords and medications, to smiling and not hitting that person in the face when they say, "oh so your baby is fine now right?" to the endless worry and doctors appointments, to the celebration of every pound gained. Thank you for making me feel like a normal person again and like I do fit in somewhere!