The Journey of a Sweet Little Boy and His Special Heart

Sunday, February 13, 2011

How Are We?

I get asked this question several times a day by people who I know genuinely care... how are you?  My answer, "good."  "How is Logan?" my answer, "good."  What else do you say?  For the most part we  really are good... considering!   I have friends and family asking how they can help, and I wish I knew how to pass stuff off- it is hard, but I am trying.  My brother called and offered to come watch Logan today so I could go to the first hour of Church.  Initially I said we were okay, but I am learning to let people help.  I told him that would be great (my mom has been coming every week, but was out of town this week).  So he came with his daughter, and Logan did great (but was really ready for me to be home when I walked in the door), and I got to go to church.  Thank you!  We have been SO blessed by those around us.  My parents still call every morning to see how much sleep I got and if they need to come out so I can take a nap.  85% of the time I feel like I have things under control, the other 15% of the time it feels like my life is complete chaos!  But we are figuring things out.  A roller coaster is the only way to describe it.  Some times I feel like we are on top, other times I feel like we are screaming down another hill out of control (mostly in the middle of the night or when I try to go somewhere by myself). 
Logan saw his pediatrician this week, and has gained 12 oz. since we have been home- that is remarkable.  If he keeps gaining weight his ped. said we might have to try the cry it out method at night to get him to sleep more... I don't know if I will be able to do that.  He has some nights where he will do really well (3-4 hr stretches), but we had SEVERAL nights this week where he was up every single hour.   Exhausting!
I still think he is adorable even if he wakes me up all night, and I can't bare to let him cry.  I went to run some errands last night and I got a phone call from Brad to see how much longer I would be.  Logan was hysterical.  I sang to him on the phone as I drove home, and that calmed him down some, but this boy is a mama's boy...makes it hard to ever leave him. 
I have been so overwhelmed trying to figure out what to do with my job.  I LOVE, absolutely LOVE teaching at the gym.  It gets me out, gives me social time, and best I get paid to exercise, but it has been a bit of a challenge working that back in with Logan.  I have a great neighbor that has been watching Logan for me since he was born a few mornings a week while I teach, and she is still willing to watch him.  So she watched him for me this week while I taught 2 of my classes.  He did okay.  The first day I was gone just over an hour and he did fine, the second time I was gone almost 2 hours and he was crying when I got there.  Bless her heart she did everything, and she is so nice to deal with the oxygen and all that comes with caring for him.  But is so hard to leave him, for both of us.
 Enough about me though, most of you read to see how Logan is- he is "good."  He is gaining weight and is eating more solid foods every day.  He started rolling from his tummy to is back the last 2 days (he hates tummy time), but still won't roll from his back to his tummy.  But he is making progress.  I asked his ped. if he would need therapy, and he feels like Logan is right on developmentally so we won't jump on that yet.  We are still weaning him off his morphine, but hope to be done with that in the next week and a half.  We have also been able to turn his oxygen down to 1/4 liter during the days... all progress!  He is a happy little guy (when mom is around)!


  1. I'm glad to hear that Logan is doing well. My Kyson had such a hard time sleeping at night too when he was that age. I just couldn't stand the thought of letting him cry it out. It's hard!
    I hope you are able to continue teaching at the gym. I know as heart moms we are very protective of our heart kids, but you need to get out and get rejuvinated so you can be the best Mom you can be. I know it might not be possible, but I hope it is! Maybe he will be able to get rid of the oxygen soon and that will make it easier. Hopefully he will learn to love a few other people too and not just Mom! Good luck with everything!

  2. We all love you teaching too! However, we love YOU more and although we'd be sad to see you go (I'm sure 1/2 the members only come for YOUR classes!) we would understand and fully support you, because we all care so much for you and especially sweet little Logan! There is a time and season for everything, whatever decision you make we will be supportive of! I do, however, have to say how much I like Andrea's comment :)
    I'm glad you guys are working through the 15% muck time and enjoying the rest of it. You have a WONDERFULLY supportive family and I'm sure that helps a ton. Onward and upward, give Logan a sweet smile for me - I sure miss seeing his smiling face (but was VERY excited to at least see yours this week!).

  3. gaining, rolling, weaning meds and 1/4 O2 what more can a mom ask for? Ok sleep but that will come right? Take Care!

  4. Oh I hear you so much! You will get through this. Just keep repeating your mantra and maybe you will believe it right?? Hopefully he will lose that O2 before you know it and then you will know that he can hold his own. If I could go back in time, I would have started letting Grant cry it out as soon as he was off O2 and our cardiologist signed off on it. I am convinced that my fears of his "stability" kept me from letting him get used to the fact that mommy still had to get out of the house and actually sleep at night. We bred some of the behaviors and it is so much more difficult trying to fix them now. Any signs that he is teething? I was amazed when it was "normal" baby things and not heart issues could cause so much difficulty. I know I am rambling now, but if anything, I can understand the hourly wake up calls and the stresses. This will pass, so don't quit your job yet. You need your self care time too and Logan will continue to make progress and bounce back!!

  5. I'm glad you are doing well. I think you are wonder woman Heidi! I don't know how you do it all.