The Journey of a Sweet Little Boy and His Special Heart

Sunday, January 29, 2012

No More Sitting on the Side Lines

I feel like for the most part I have accepted the reality of Logan's heart, and I am okay with our reality. We have adjusted our lives as needed, but every once in awhile I feel the "unfairness" of it all. This has happened a few times in the last couple of weeks. One time being when the gym I work at hosted a Triathlon. It was for adults and kids. It was an indoor tri, and I was in charge of the biking segment. It was so fun to see people achieving things they never thought they could. I saw so many people do something for the first time, the kids actually made me tear up as they rushed from the pool, jumped on their bike and pedaled their little hearts out. My first thought was Logan will never be able to do this, but then I thought.... why not. Maybe he will be able to do this, he might not be the fastest, but I will let him try if that is something he wants to do.
Which leads me to the title of my post.... No more sitting on the side lines. Yes, Logan is still young, and there are lots of things he can't do. But I am tired of him having to sit on the side lines because of his heart. Ashlyn is off track right now, and is such a good sport about being okay with being home. We don't go many places because we don't want Logan to get sick, or he is constantly taking naps! But last week the kids asked when we could go swimming again. In one of my moments when I was thinking I was superwoman I decided we could go swimming. So I attempted to take all 3 kids swimming by myself. I usually will leave Logan with his babysitter when we do things like this, but I thought again how unfair it is. He is either at our house or his babysitters house ALL the time. The poor guy is bored and never gets out! So I brought him along. He was in total awe just walking into the rec center. Looking at all the people and things. He got really nervous and made me hold him. When we got to the pool he stared with his mouth open. He was so scared. I couldn't get him off the bench. I didn't push him, and we sat and watched the kids play for a minute. I kept asking if he wanted to go play and he would aggressively shake his head no! After about 15 min. of watching I convinced him to venture to the edge and just splash the water with his feet. Anyway, the whole hour we were there he never dared venture into the water unless I was holding him. I know this is "normal" for kids... water is frightening. But the whole experience left me feeling the "unfairness" of his heart defect. He was more nervous than normal because he NEVER gets out. Then when he finally got wet he turned so blue from the cold I had to wrap him in a towel and try to bring some color back to his lips and limbs. All the while his brother and sister where running around crazy completely oblivious to any kind of discomfort. As we sat by the side of the pool I realized I don't want Logan sitting on the sidelines his whole life. I want him to be able to live and run around crazy with his siblings. Brad and I talk all the time trying to figure out how to make this happen. How do we protect him, but at the same time not make him afraid of everything.  We want him to know his limits, but at the same time we don't want to make him paranoid and scared of trying anything new. When someone has that answer will you please share it with me!
As for now we will keep him in the game as much as possible.
Here he is playing the X-box Kinect- he won't let you think for even a minute he is too young to figure that out. It is a riot watching him jump and mimic what his siblings do.

And the car slippers were a gift from his babysitter... he insisted on wearing them ALL the time when he first got them!  He walks around the house saying "vroom vroom" holding a little match box car almost constantly! 

CHEESE!!  Look how big I am getting!

We took this picture on the 3 year birthday for a little Heart Angel Jake (his blanket is barely showing, but he was displaying it!  That is what you get when you have your 7 year old take the picture).  His mom started an incredible service of giving "Jakey's Blankies" to heart warriors.  Logan LOVES his Jakey Blankie.  To donate to this awesome service visit the button on the side of my blog for Jakey's Blankies.

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  1. It was a great moment for us the day we stopped letting Grant's heart dictate our entire lives. It was the beginning of a mental shift...realizing that stability meant it was time to live and recognize that even fear of the next illness was not enough to keep us from letting our son truly experience life. I am still cautious, but life feels so much better when I am participating in it instead of sitting on the sidelines with Grant. I am so glad that Logan is doing well enough that you can start to let him experience some of these new things!

  2. you go girl! Man, swimming with 3 kids by yourself!? That deserves a ninja award for sure! I am dealing with the same side line things with my healthy kids. "mom can we go to mcdonalds and play? I don't even want anything to eat!" "no" "mom can we go to the pool?" "no" "mom are you going to church?" "no" "WHY?" "because there are germs." Then we had a whole lesson on germs. We watched an episode of curious george about germs. We watched you tube videos and looked at photos all day. They get it, it's just hard. So I feel you. And I'm sending my try-to-figure-it-out love. :)

  3. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but unfortunatle I don't. We never had many limitations with Tanner's situation so it makes me feel lucky in a way. But also so empathetic to what all of you other heart moms are going through with your little ones! I hope your family is able to figure out a way to include everyone and keep Logan safe and healthy at the same time!

  4. We go on adventures all the time we just go at odd times armed with Lysol and wipes. Disney land I wiped all rides down weird yes but it made me feel like I was keep some germs away! Movies we go at the afternoon shows and take in the car seat so he sits in his protected area. Restaurants we wipe and sit in the corner. No pools for now too many germs for me but the ocean is free game. We have our little above ground pool just my kids use sorry no neighbors. You make your safe zone we go shopping again odd hours an always in his stroller protected zone you have to let them experience life your right and they will do things above what they have told us these heart babies are truly amazing and will do great things you never know!!! Let me know during the summer I have the set up for an outdoor movie blow up screen etc and I would be happy to set up movie night for you and your kids mine loved it !!!! Heart hugs always Ivy

  5. Thank you so much for adding jakeys blankies. :) You are such a sweetheart. And, I love your attitude. I think it is perfect. You do have to be cautious, but I love your idea of WHy not?? I'm sure he will grow up knowing WAY more possibilities that people ever thought possible, because if his amazing mommy! Go YOU! :)

  6. I don't have any good advice, but I think what you are doing is EXACTLY right. Sounds like you are the perfect mom to this wonderful little boy and he will grow up, most definitely, NOT sitting on the sidelines.