My neighbor asked me the other day if I was mad at God for not fixing Logan's heart, because she was. I told her I wasn't mad at God, but knew He must have a different plan for Logan. She wasn't convinced, she said she was still mad. I have thought a lot about this. I wanted to be mad at God when things didn't go how we had hoped, but I couldn't. How could I be mad at the God that is blessing me with the opportunity to be this little boy's mom? When it comes down to it, really I should be thankful I was trusted to raise such a special little boy, and we will take all that comes with raising him- rain or shine (or more like sleep or no sleep!)
I started this post back on January 29th, and for some reason never posted it. But last night I read this scripture and thought back to what I had written here. "I know that God loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." (1 Nephi 11:17) I don't know why we have the trials we do, but I do know God loves His children and there is reason for everything.
The Journey of a Sweet Little Boy and His Special Heart
In my opinion being mad at God for not fixing a baby's heart would be just the same a being mad at God for even allowing a baby's heart to not be developed correctly. There are so many things we could be mad at God about that we could live our life just being mad. Instead like you said there is a reason for everything. Our Kyson has blessed our lives in countless ways and I wouldn't trade in his heart for a normal heart because of all we have learned from him. Yes it's very difficult to watch him suffer and go through so much but I think that is what is teaching me to be a better mother and love my children more. These little "heart kids" are so amazing and there is a lot we can learn from them. Instead of being mad, I choose to thank God that I was blessed with such an incredible little boy that teaches me what is most important in life every day.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the long comment...I'm just passionate about this and have thought about it a lot:)
I remember being very frustrated with some people when I was pregnant with Asher. They would tell me that if I just had enough faith, that Asher would be born with a perfect heart. It drove me bonkers, because that's not the way things work. God doesn't just take all of our trials away because we asked. We experience trials for a reason, for our own learning, or some other reason we may not know for decades, or ever. My prayer with Asher was always that he would simply be born, and that we would be put in contact with the right doctors that could help correct his heart. I know the Lord has been there with me all along the way, through all of our small miracles we have experienced.I'm sure you feel the same. The fact that they can do anything for these little guys' hearts is a miracle in and of itself. Hope you are adjusting well to being home!
ReplyDeleteYou know my take on this one. I even had someone tell me while Severin was in PCMC for his last surgery, that I got Severin with heart problems because of a specific choice I had made in the past. I had not even thought of that choice and I guess I thought no one else would either. So not only was I upset about my son I had to relive my past too. Some people just don't get it, plain and simple. This is just life and we just need to thank Him for the journey. I know gratitude brings about abundance, what more is there?
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