A month of Celebration, Anniversaries, and Blessings

December/January are full of all sorts of Anniversaries for us. 

Last year before we left for Philadelphia we took the kids to build a bear.  To be honest, it sounds a bit cheesy.  But I was so heart sick about leaving Ashlyn and Tanner at home I was trying to think of anything I could do before we left to make our absence easier.  So we let them pick out an animal at build a bear and Brad and I kissed the little hearts that went inside the animals and told them that when they missed us or were sad they had our love in their stuffed animals.  Ashlyn has kept track all year of her bunny's birthday- the day they were put together at the mall.  December 20, 2010.  So this year on December 20th we had a birthday party for all of their animals.  Ashlyn's bunny, Tanner's dog, and Logan's bear.  Complete with birthday cake, singing and presents.  The kids were adorable they planned it all out, made the gifts and everything.  It was such a cute/fun night. 

This was last year when they were making their animals.

Christmas was absolutely delightful this year.  I loved it all (minus the few times the kids were so high on sugar there was no control!)

Christmas Eve we had our own little Nativity.

Ashlyn took her role as Mary very serious.  This is the only benefit in her eyes of being the only girl (she really wants a sister) but there is no debate on who gets to be Mary!

 Tanner as a Shepherd. 

This kid cracks me up- he has something against wearing costumes.  I couldn't get him to dress up for Halloween and he refused to wear the robe to be Joseph so we finally found a happy medium of a shepherd holding a lamb!

 Ashlyn really wanted Logan to be baby Jesus... look how big he is!  He is not a baby anymore!

 He made a pretty cute Shepherd when we could get him to hold still long enough to get his costume on!

Christmas was chaotic and so much fun!

 Tanner can never have too many puppies!

 Logan has a bit of an Elmo obsession that my sister Tiffany feeds more than anyone!

 Ashlyn rockin' her Rollerblades even in a skirt!

Brad and I were the crazy college students that crammed a wedding in between semesters.  So we celebrated our 11th Wedding Anniversary on the 27th.  Last year we spent our anniversary flying to Philly.  Our date consisted of leftover casserole at the Ronald McDonald House- which neither of us could stomach because we were so nervous.

This year we got to have dinner at Rodizios.  It was a lot better tasting and a lot more relaxing! 

December 30th last year

And this year... 

You've come a long way baby  BIG Boy!

New Year's Day we held our annual scones and bacon feast.  (Despite my paranoia of germs and Logan's anxiety in large groups- we had a huge crowd here.)  We have scones because it is a Gunnell family tradition.  Bacon because it literally saved our lives New Year's Day 2003 from carbon monoxide poisoning.  The smell of my mom cooking bacon woke me up just long enough to crawl up the stairs and pass out.  What a story!  But what a reminder about how lucky we are to be alive.

I was warned not to even look downstairs with all the chaos and kids... I didn't!  But it was great to celebrate with our family.  We love and appreciate all of their love and support.

We obviously didn't have our New Year's Party last year, instead we learned our little Logan was in heart failure. It was those instincts you get as parents that even though the numbers on the monitor are "okay" something wasn't right.  Thankfully the nurse didn't brush off our concerns because really there were no obvious reasons to be worried.  But we got the doctor in there and they did an echo and learned his little heart couldn't handle the repair that had been done.  This was devastating news, but we were so grateful to have caught this before we came home. 

(pic. New Year's Day last year)

And this year...

(who needs a Dr. he has it all figured out)!

 I have thought so much lately about the answers to prayers we have had this year.  And the blessings we are able to recognize sometimes only in hindsight... 

The other night Brad said seriously out of no where (it wasn't something we had been discussing)... it can't be coincidence that I just happened to get a job out of college in dental underwriting (we didn't even know what an underwriter did when he applied for the job, we were just desperate for a job)- which led to his job now in medical underwriting; which happens to be with one of the only insurance carriers in the state with a national network that allowed us the option of traveling out of state to CHOP.  Heavenly Father has a  plan and it was in motion long before we ever knew or recognized.  I don't believe it is coincidence.  And beyond being able to go to CHOP his job in the medical industry has been such a blessing.  We both comment to each other all the time how confusing insurance is.  Sometimes it is downright messy and a pain in the butt.  Bills not being paid right, codes not covered, things not being authed right.  Dealing with insurance can be a parents worst nightmare, and it has been such a blessing having a little more than normal knowledge in that regard.  He has spreadsheets of every procedure and bill for Logan that he matches to EOB's and claims paid.  This has saved us so much money and headaches! 

When the first surgery at CHOP was a bust... I was devastated and I really questioned why we felt so impressed to travel all that way.  I didn't have my answer until months later when we received all the medical notes and charts from our stay there.  As I read the transcripts of the doctor's notes from surgery( for both of his surgeries there) it was very clear to me that the right doctor operated on Logan for his particular circumstances.  We followed HOPE out there, and we never have to question if we did what was best for our baby.  Dr. Spray tried every means possible to save the right side of Logan's heart and make it functional.  He didn't give up at his first attempt.  One of the scary things about open heart surgery is the longer you are on bypass the more likely complications emerge.  For the amount of things Dr. Spray was able to do and try for Logan, he was on bypass for less than half the time he would have been with most other surgeons.  This brought me so much comfort knowing everything that could possibly be done had been done.  I couldn't be at peace with it otherwise.  I am okay with the limitations and things Logan will face and is facing in his life, but I find peace in knowing we tried to make those a little better.

Brad and I have both been blessed in our jobs.  His work has been so accommodating with Dr. appointments and time off.  Also offering the much needed insurance coverage.  Hitting our out of pocket max. in January was a blessing too... it made the millions of Dr. appointments throughout the year a little less stressful!

  My job teaching at the gym always seems to work out with the schedule our family needs.  I teach enough to keep me sane, but am not away from home very long.  We have a great neighbor that watches Logan while I am at the gym (and so we can have a date night every once in awhile).  She has been one of our greatest blessings this year.

We have family that never tires of hearing about oxygen levels, Dr. appointments and petty concerns.  We are so blessed. 

Ashlyn LOVES school and is healthy and happy.

Tanner also loves (not enough to capitalize every letter though) school, is healthy and happy.

I could go on and on and on.  I don't ask why us anymore.  I know Logan's heart is a gift and it has made our family better, closer, and so so grateful for everything.

Happy New Year!!

Look Who's Walking!

I know it has been awhile.  I keep telling myself these happy times are the times to be documenting.  We don't want to only remember the hard times of sickness and hospital visits, but the good/ fun times too.  Logan started walking the DAY after he got his tubes.  NO exaggeration.  We were all standing in the kitchen eating grapes and he decided he wanted one so up he went and walked right to Ashlyn to get one of her grapes.  The kids and I just sat there with our mouths open all wondering if that really just happened.  Then we screamed and clapped and made a huge deal of it.  We sent pictures to Dad at work, and got the video camera out.  It was a happy day.  Although after this he COULD walk, he still chose to crawl for the most part unless we made him walk.  Then about 2 weeks ago he finally decided walking was cool, and is now all over the place. 

I missed posting all of our fun Halloween pictures, and fall outings... maybe I will catch up soon.  We have LOVED not having ear infections.  The tubes have made a world of difference.  I think we have only been to the doctor for synagis shots and follow ups for his tubes.  His balance and equilibrium seemed to improve drastically by the tubes, we were hoping to see some improvement with his speech also, but that is coming a little more slow.  He signs and makes animal noises, but doesn't have very many words.  It will come though, and he seems to be improving each week.  He is at the tantrum stage because he knows exactly what he wants, but doesn't have the words to tell me. 

We are excited for Christmas this year, and have really enjoyed time together as a family.  I often find myself thinking back to Christmas last year.  We were preparing for our trip to CHOP for his surgery,  leaving 2 days after Christmas.  It added a whole new dimension to the stress of the holidays.  But it also added a different feeling to the season.  We weren't worried about presents and parties, we were 100% focused on family.  I would never want to relive this past year, but upon reflection I would never trade the experiences we had for anything.  I have the most tender feelings when I think about all of it. 



I love this picture of Logan with my Mom.  He absolutely adores her, and she is pretty fond of him too!  She has come out to our house EVERY Sunday to watch Logan so Brad and I can go to Church with Ashlyn and Tanner.  (We tried taking him for a few weeks, and he ended up sick every single time).  Today when we got home from church they were sitting on the couch together, and my mom said, "He didn't eat his lunch very well, but he wanted a cookie so I gave him one!"  No wonder he loves her so much!

He has a way of finding trouble and mischief anywhere he goes.  And by kid #3 I think I have learned to not freak out and maybe laugh about it and grab the camera.  I will be cleaning up messes regardless so we might as well have a memory to laugh about.  We have plenty of these.  He is constant entertainment (and a constant mess maker)!

Goodbye Ear Infections

Logan had tubes put in his ears this morning at Primary Children's Hospital.  Everything went really well.  We are hoping this helps him keep those blasted ear infections away that make him so miserable, and we also hope to see some improvement in his desire to walk and talk. 
The procedure was really as easy as everyone told us it would be.  The drama all came from my anxiety beforehand.  I was stressed out because they wait until 3 p.m. the day before to tell you what time he is scheduled to go in.  That is so inconvenient when you are trying to find places for your other kids to go.  When they said we were first case I was happy because that meant Logan had less time he had to go without eating, but also stressed because that meant we had to leave our house by 6 a.m.  That is a lot to ask a neighbor to be awake and take your sleeping kid at 6 a.m. not to mention a grumpy kid that had to be woken up.  Thankfully Brad's parents were willing to drive out here at 5:30 a.m. to stay with the kids and get them out to school and friends before they headed over to their shift at the Temple. 
I wasn't necessarily nervous about the actual procedure, but I was nervous how Logan would respond to being at the hospital.  I think he has a little post traumatic stress from all the previous hospital visits (I know I do).  He doesn't respond well to people in a full set of scrubs... they usually poke him :) and he remembers those hospital cribs.  My parents have a crib at their cabin that looks similar to a hospital crib (lighter wood and thin slats) he won't even go in the room with the crib, and has a full on panic attack if you try to put him in it!
The toys in all the waiting rooms kept him pretty occupied, along with watching Elmo on the Ipad!  I did ask that they give him versed to make the hand off a little less traumatic.  Brad didn't really want to give it to him, but I think it made it easier.  I really didn't want him scared by anything, and he would be if he realized a stranger was taking him from me.  By the time they wheeled him away in the wagon he was so relaxed and out of it that he didn't realize I wasn't with him.  We waited in the waiting room for all of about 20-30 min. until we could go back with him.  He was just waking up when we got there, and wasn't super happy, but apple juice calmed him right down.  He guzzled the first 4 oz. and then was mad that we wouldn't give him more!  All said and done we were in and out in about 4 hours... wish every hospital visit was that easy!

Baby Steps (delayed post)

I started this post right before we had a month of SICKNESS and I never got back to it until now!  Angee the Seattle pictures are for you!...

So some would say Logan is pretty attached to me, Brad would say I am just as attached to Logan!  We have been taking "baby" steps all summer to get to the point where both Logan and myself are comfortable with separation!  It started in July when we left him for the first time with a babysitter long enough to go to dinner and a movie.  This was a HUGE step- I had left him with others before this (Brad, Grandma and a neighbor).  But this was the longest and the first time anyone else had put him to bed... (should I admit I texted the sitter through the whole movie)!   Everything turned out great so we got a little braver and in August we decided Ashlyn and Tanner needed a day with us, so we left Logan with our neighbor ALL day so we could all go to Lagoon.  Then came the opportunity for me to have a girls night, and go to  Education Week with all my neighbors- this gave me the extra push to finally stop nursing completely.  He was upset about that for about 2 weeks, and let me know he wasn't happy with this, but we are over that hump now!  So I spent a night away from him and had a great time with the girls.  Over Labor Day I stayed at the cabin with Ashlyn and Tanner, while Brad and Logan got some good time together at home.  All this leading up to me finally getting the courage to take a trip with my hubby.  My neighbor offered us free airline tickets and told us we needed a vacation.  It wasn't the 10 year anniversary trip we were planning when we ended up taking Logan to Philadelphia, but it was a great escape.  My parents watched the kids and Brad and I took a 4 day trip to Seattle.  It was great and Logan and the kids did GREAT.  My parents are SAINTS, and I am so grateful we got to go.  We wanted somewhere close that we didn't have to spend all day traveling, and we didn't really care what we did, we just wanted to relax.  My goal was to get my blood shot, sleep deprived eyes looking normal again! Mission accomplished!  We loved the city, and did all the "touristy" stuff- the Space Needle, The Duck Tour (land and water machine),  A fun cruise (saw the house from Sleepless in Seattle, and went through the Locks- that was really cool).  We also did the underground tour, ate at lots of yummy restaurants (not a single chain restaurant), went to the movies, and shopped a lot!  Loved it all!

 What a beautiful city!  You can see Mt. Rainer in the back.  They say that you can only see this about 80 days out of the whole year.  We had fabulous weather.

Appointment Update

Logan had his check up with his Cardiologist yesterday.  Everything heart wise looked great.  His blood pressure, and EKG were good.  Saturations at 85% even with not feeling well.  Dr. Mack was concerned that he is a little dehydrated from all this gunk he has been going through.  He was very helpful in giving us ideas to try to get him to eat and drink more.  He made me feel like not such a horrible mom for the bad habits we are developing!  The only way I have gotten Logan to eat anything for the past 5 days is put him on the couch, get him interested in a movie, and then sneak a bite here and a bite there.  If I try to put him in his chair at the table he is crying before I can even get the buckles on.  So out of desperation to avoid a hospital stay for dehydration, I feed my child in front of the T.V.  A habit I know we will have to break when we can.  Dr. Mack was handing him suckers and saying do whatever it takes to get him to eat.  Dr. M was pleased with Logan's growth, and doesn't want to see him back for.... 1 YEAR!  Yes, can you believe it?  Maybe after we get this ear thing figured out Logan can just be a "normal" little boy and not spend so much time at the doctors office.  We discussed the timeline for his next surgery, and he is hopeful Logan will not need the Fontan before age 3.  He might even go until he is 5 before needing it.  Only time will tell. 
So for now I am going to try and not think about it so much.  Lately the thought of this next surgery has almost consumed me with anxiety and nightmares.  It has been hard watching (reading) about some of our little heart friends that have struggled so much with this surgery this summer.  We will cross that bridge when we get there.
We met with an ENT this morning up at University of Utah Hosp. and he has scheduled Logan to get tubes on November 1st.  Hopefully we can keep him ear infection free until then.  Brad and I both feel like tubes are the best option for him.  His body is revolting against constant antibiotics over the past couple of months (70 days of oral antibiotics since June and a round of shots).  He is still not himself, and his ears are clear right now, so I think his gut is just not feeling right.  He hasn't crawled around and played on the floor since Thursday.  He just lays around or I am holding him constantly.  I keep trying to tell him if he eats he will have energy to play, but he doesn't believe me :)
Best news though is his heart is functioning as it should, and we can deal with ears!  That is just "normal" baby stuff! 

SICK

My little boy is sick, sick, sick.  And I am so tired of seeing him suffer.  It has been a LONG week.  First off, I took him to the Doctor 2 1/2 weeks ago and he had another ear infection.  We finished the 10 day cycle of the antibiotic and he was still acting like something was wrong so I took him back to the Dr. Wednesday afternoon.  Sure enough the ear infection hadn't cleared up (not a surprise since he has been on antibiotics almost constantly since June).  So our option was to try a stronger oral antibiotic or start the Rocephin shots.  We decided to try and avoid the trauma of the shots.  He had one day of the oral antibiotics until he came down with the stomach flu and couldn't keep anything down.  So I called the Dr. Friday to ask what I should do about him missing his doses of the antibiotic.  He wanted to see him.  So I took him in and somehow between Wednesday and Friday he developed an ear infection in the other ear.  So now we are dealing with DOUBLE ear infections, the stomach flu, diarrhea- oh and did I mention he is cutting his "I" teeth too.  My poor little guy is miserable.  We had to start the Rocephin Shots (antibiotic shots) since he hasn't really eaten since Thursday he can't take an oral antibiotic.  So for the last 3 days we have to go to the pediatrician for 2 shots a day.  Logan now cries the minute he sees the nurse.  It is breaking my heart.  He just wants me to hold him ALL day.  If Brad even tries to talk to him he will turn his head and look away.  So my house is a mess, I haven't put makeup on for 3 days now, and my poor kids are so stir crazy.  (Did I mention Ashlyn and Tanner had the flu too).  The silver lining... the kids were pretty good about making it to the bathroom.  We only had to scrub the carpet twice!
We are now going the route of tubes for Logan.  He has had 6 ear infections in 4 months (2 of those requiring 2 cycles of antibiotics).  We thought we had it figured out when we took him off dairy, but I guess that wasn't what was causing them.  We will wait to hear from Primary Children's tomorrow to see when they can get him in.  We have been working with his pediatrician trying to figure out how to avoid tubes and ANOTHER time having to be put under anesthesia, but I think it is our only option now.  Since June we have had 21 visits to his pediatrician- that is more than 1x/week.  INSANE!
We also see the cardiologist on Tuesday for his 6 month check.  I pray all of this is just "normal" baby stuff and not related to or effecting his little heart.  Wish us luck, and I'll keep you posted.

We have spent hours in the swing.  It is about the only place other than my arms that he isn't crying or whimpering.  He will let me push him for 30 min. at a time.  I just pull up a chair and push away.  Something about it must be soothing. 

T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

I know it has been awhile.  I guess you can assume that no news is good news!
Logan has been finding TROUBLE anywhere and everywhere all summer long.  He has no interest in walking still, but climbs on and into everything.  He graduated from Physical Therapy the end of August.  His therapist said she couldn't believe he was the same kid she had met just a few months before.  He has all the right skills for walking, he just needs the confidence and desire!
Here are a few pictures of his troublemaking!

When you ask him to smile (and he is willing to perform) he will give you this totally cheese smile! 

 I LOVE IT!

All of his jammies have holes and mud stains in the rear end because Saturday mornings while we do yard work we let him have his freedom in the yard.  He loves scooting through the flower beds smashing my flowers, picking the petals, eating the dirt etc. (Yes, he still prefers the butt scoot, although he is crawling more and more).

I haven't figured out why he likes to sit in drawers so much, but he unloads every drawer just to sit in!

He LOVES to read books.  He has a little reading chair and will sit and look at books and bring them to me one by one and then back himself up to sit on my lap. 

He has discovered how fun coloring is... all over my floor and cabinets.  Naughty boy!

 Not afraid of getting dirty!

Logan is always in on whatever action is happening.  He is so curious and you can constantly see the little wheels turning in his head.  We had a rough couple months of ear infection after ear infection with him, and we finally took him off dairy and went to soy, and he hasn't had an infection since we switched... that is good news!  We have seen his pediatrician every week since May- Brad is beginning to think I just like to go hang out there.  I am on a first name basis with every nurse in the office!  We are hoping we finally have things figured out, and we are hoping for a healthy winter :)